The Phantom

I truly understand the extent of my love for you,
as it reflects the pain I suffer as you leave.
My plans were perfectly drawn out,
it was to end beautifully,
but one of the cast members is missing,
as she had run to the other door,
and her eyes caught mine as she made her leave.

Lights shining upon the stage
and eyes transfixed upon our every stride.
The world sits on the edge of its seat,
waiting to hear the colors of your voice
as I convinced them it is the sweetest to see,
for it was the first script we had together.

But one is not sure of what to believe,
as life is to move on but it feels to stand still.
Leave me with it,
allow the moment to be painted within my heart.

Peace

My heart spills tears to see,
it hurts as I look forward and wonder,
what is to become of this war.
It seems so scary,
when the agenda is all about you
imagining the possibilities of living in discomfort,
the nightmares out to steal your dreams.
It seems so unreal,
when the hallway of life doesn't end,
and the fear of losing happiness
or being robbed of your innocence and safety
starts to flash brightly before your eyes.
It is so easy,
to get stuck with a small picture
to represent our world and purpose
but it all disappears instantly,
the moment you step into His presence.
As He takes your hand,
the world becomes so light,
as fear turns to peace
and your sadness into joyous streams.
His love is so great...Praise to Him.

Closest Companion

My heart aches for the pain I have caused,
you alone, friend, have given me wisdom
to bring compassion and comfort,
to show the feelings of true love.
Let me never forsake you again,
as you are my teacher and true friend.

What now is there to do,
as time falls through
and eternity approaches,
what shall my heart feel?
It has a longing to be closer,
yet the distance seems to grow
as my eyes deceive me from truth,
I must rest on knowing from you.

The Fight for Identity

To realize the full extent of our identity in Christ, we must come to realize the fullness of our inheritance as sons and daughters of God.

This is our being. This is what we were created to have and be.

Graham Cooke spoke of our identity coming out of our earthly personality, but also of heaven's perspective of us.

Meaning God has created us uniquely, each with different gifts and different spirits (introverted, extroverted, etc.), but we are also to align with the heaven's creation of us which is in the image of Christ.

Romans 8:11-17- Talks about dying in the flesh and living in the Spirit and becoming sons of God.

Now switching over to Galatians 5:22 which speaks of the fruits of the Spirit. Are we not suppose to bear these fruits of love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control?

Are we not living lies when we do not bear these fruits every second of our lives? Is our goal to become like our Papa, to be the image of Christ, or are we living to become the image of the one trying to destroy us?

There is a lie we are living if we become angry instead of loving and gentle.

There is a lie we are living if we are fearful and hopeless instead of joyful and a resonance of peace in our hearts.

We have control of ourselves. No one has control of us unless we allow it.

We have the Holy Spirit. He is brilliant at everything. This includes healing the wounds of our past or conquering that fear.

Romans 8:29 is our promise, our prophetic word. It is time to fight circumstances with our prophetic words instead of circumstances fighting them down.

So you have the tools to conquer at your right hand. You are anointed to be King one day by the Kings of Kings, so go out now and conquer Goliath with your promise of kingship...

Psalm 2

How am I suppose to feel?
I come to rest with you but this question still remains.
Am I suppose to mourn as I see into a possible destruction?
This spirit that wanders within the house torments me,
as it consumes those I love.
When will they truly give themselves up to you?
When will they surrender their hearts to your ways?
I long to see them healed as I feel the tension and pain in their souls.
They have grown up in a pattern of slow destruction,
reaping in the lies they have sown.

Lord, come rescue our hearts!
You alone are always good and love us truly.
You are my roots and I have grown to love you,
you remain faithful and holy with justice,
I will praise you, for you are worthy of praise.
My heart will turn to joy from the manifest of your glory
and rest will find my weariness
as the promise is fulfilled.

Strings

Jason asked the group to express our feelings a week ago by writing or drawing...naturally, I wrote a poem.

Circumstances pressing in,
my body wonders if this is real
an illusion, a dream,
as the natural and spiritual struggle to overcome each other
and my mind, soul and heart have become the rope being pulled.
The world says to be myself,
to be happy, to be independent
but that "to be" has a string attached
as it drags the heaviness of "you are".
But you intervene,
your words of love pierce my heart,
cutting the strings holding onto me
releasing me to breathe,
no longer a controlled puppet.
So I will dance freely
as a hand does not dangle me,
but yours has set me to my feet.

Blind Emotions

Cries and utterances try to escape
this beating prison inside.
Out comes overwhelming thoughts and compulsions,
to suppress them would only lead them astray
and to gnaw away at my love and composure,
as they bash and scratch against the walls
and longingly look past the prison bars
to the lightness and pure clouds above.

Rationality stands over guard,
as he beats them within me
to stay, be quiet, stop crying,
your longings and dreams will be forgotten,
stay in line and you will live,
scream out and no one will hear,
not a second glance as they walk by.

They cannot stay still.
A gentle wind whispers to them of a coming,
a new love, a new hope, a new dream.
They are stirred,
only to cry out for mercy to the chasing winds,
asking to be shown, asking to see.
The fortress walls suddenly crash,
as the sight has an unexpected reality
and they are free to walk into a beauty.

Seasons

The night brings a calming to my soul,
as stars chase after the dimming light,
but as my heart lies in the middle of the road,
my mind races in both directions,
there seems no clear indication of signs.
Light glistens from the damp ground,
as a leaf and its brother follow suit to my hand,
the lightness of life send off my senses,
my breath caught in a stillness of the beauty.

Where to go
as mystery hides behind the veil of darkness,
and leaves of life leave their home to join others
to leave the once beautiful tree, bare.
I will stay with you tree,
as seasons will come,
beauty will be restored
the twinkling eyes in the night sky
will be our light.

Surrender

Unconditional surrender to the Living God is my heart's cry.
To know my Father without fear of lacking provision or protection.
I've grown in a lifestyle where luxuries are always within my grasp and a menu appears before me as I look into the kitchen fridge.
The idea of poverty seems so alien to my life experience that it almost brings pain instead of thankfulness to my heart.
Papa, I don't perform for your love, but give me more of you at any cost! Allow me to dine with your presence before the presence of our enemies constantly.
Give me a greater love for you! Help me become a greater friend!
Teach me to worship you the way it is done fully in heaven!
Replace the desires of this world with your heart and passions, Papa...
Thank you Papa for your love.
Thank you for your countenance.
Thank you Jesus for being our King.
The King of Glory.
The King above all Kings.
The King of Heaven...and of earth.
The Lover of my Soul.

Humble Endings

These are interesting days I live.

Strings of thoughts and feelings float and pass through this busy house.

I walk down the hall and can't help the feelings of my surroundings grow taller.

I shouldn't have had that drink. I can't seem to reach the door.

Light peers through the window and temporarily warms my hope with the sight of blue and white.

But there's nothing to hold on to for myself. Not these thoughts. Not these poor feelings.

So the thoughts and feelings will keep flying past me without a second glance.

I can only wait patiently with dreams of you.

Tears of Heaven

She finally sparkles with his grace,
as the past and present collide in the midst of her eyes,
her heart finally opens to the beauty,
and is carried gently by a Father's love.
As tears capture the lover's dreams,
the flow of its path shows her tranquility,
and the beauty sheds her tear with hope.
The tear falls and cries out to the clouds
as the joys of heavens pour out its love,
soaking her with tears of devotion.

Past and Pending

There's a quiet voice inside everyone's heart,
often containing those wishful thoughts and regretful lies.
holding us back from the true reality of who we ought to be
or leaving us in an empty state of helplessness
similar to us trying to stop water with our bare hands.

Sometimes I can't help but listen,
as the idea of an alternate reality dances before my eyes,
the very same way red fall leaves dance with the winds.
The idea stops abruptly, quickly gasping for more life
as the last bit disappears before my heart's eyes.
As I have an everlasting flame kindling before me,
I can't help but dream of my possibilities.

Lost in Transitions

You stand there awkwardly,
no words come to mind.
You've lost your sense of reality,
claiming to be fully present with your eternal sunshine,
but I'm only seeing the empty half of you,
and longing for the fuller half of your love.

Your words lack of color,
as your inspirations are tangled in the vines of the world.
They try to suffocate your love with their violence
but your eyes sparkle in the light,
vibrant with a hidden complexity
that no one else can see,
but everyone can feel and is distraught by.

You float on with hunger,
as you are unsatisfied without change.

So you'll keep chasing after your love,

he will keep you up as a strong breeze,
so stay steady, my little kite.
Do not be afraid of tricks and risk.
He will be there to lift you up again,
if you only give him a chance,
if you will only look to him once more.

Thinking: Part 1

I've been re-evaluating my thoughts as of lately. It's a strange idea when you actually think about. And actually thinking about that idea is even stranger.

Think about it:
You think of a thought. Then you think about those thoughts and decipher why those thoughts pieced together in your mind (such as the cause or personal mental processing). Sometimes you take it a step farther (I'm pretty sure it's not further) and think of a way to make that thought into reality, or ways to dispose those thoughts or mental thinking (at least I do sometimes in a ways to improve myself).

On top of all of this thinking is actually thinking about that thinking.

I think my brain is done thinking about this thinking for now. I will continue on my next post...

Showing up to War

It's been awhile since I wrote. I'm keeping this one short, and brief compared to my other stuff.

Imagine this:
You are living in the Middle Ages and are a knight for a righteous King. The King has blessed you, provided for you, and given justice and freedom to his people. But an has enemy come to bring war upon the city in which you dwell in. The King continues to give provisions but as weapons he has only sent sticks asking to trust him on his decision. Flicking the stick around but not seeing any significance except for it's power to break in two, you abandon the idea of war as for having no weapons, grab your belongings and flee the area...

We are equipped beyond what we are probably used to or can actually see but there is no use to it if we don't even show up for battle.

You have the best hand, are you going to fold for a bluff?

Thoughts...

The Path Intended

So it is only starting to click inside of me.

That Jesus is inside of me.

He is also inside of you.

God gave all authority to Jesus.
Jesus gave authority to us in the spirit.

Jesus was heaven. He was restoring the earth.

Therefore...see the pattern? If A=B and B=C then well B=C right?

I had this idea all around me. I heard it just never seen it clearly in scripture. Actually I have just forgot.

And it is so easy to forget isn't it? So easy to not remember that we are royalty. We are princes and princesses, sons and daughters of Gods. It is like we are mini-Gods...except only through God himself.

Jesus died for us. Jesus was raised from the dead. Jesus was born in us. Heaven is in us.

I've heard this for the past year and it has finally checked into my heart. And I've been struggling with what are my strengths and weaknesses until God spoke directly about it.

That I have the power to do anything in Jesus' name. That I no longer have to ask God as if he is in heaven but I just listen to my spirit to open heavens' gates. That I can pray directly for the miracle because I have power from God.

Our name in God.

I've been feeling we've missed the importance and bases of our name a lot. Our name represents our being. It's a way to identify who we are as a whole...passions, goals, views, laughter, family...everything. It is our connection to be a unique individual...yet I feel most of us don't even have that true connection or know the importance of our name.

Let me elaborate my meaning.

Going back all the way to Adam, Eve and the apple, we were deceived by Satan that we could be like God. That we can make a name for ourselves without God.

Satan himself believed himself to be higher than God. He wanted...no still wants to deceive others to worship his name, to worship things that gives praise to his name instead of God's. Satan believes he can make a name for himself without God...and even above God.

Abram...Jacob...Saul...God's appearance and experiences changed their lives. They changed from following their path to follow God's. God gave them a new name...showed them their true identity, showed them exactly how amazing they are in his glory, in his name.

The more I've been pursuing God...

The more I've been putting down my pride and reputation of my name down for God's name...

The more I've been feeling peace and fulfillment. The more I've been understanding my identity in Jesus' name.

I hope you all find who you truly are instead of the name the world gives you.