The Phantom

I truly understand the extent of my love for you,
as it reflects the pain I suffer as you leave.
My plans were perfectly drawn out,
it was to end beautifully,
but one of the cast members is missing,
as she had run to the other door,
and her eyes caught mine as she made her leave.

Lights shining upon the stage
and eyes transfixed upon our every stride.
The world sits on the edge of its seat,
waiting to hear the colors of your voice
as I convinced them it is the sweetest to see,
for it was the first script we had together.

But one is not sure of what to believe,
as life is to move on but it feels to stand still.
Leave me with it,
allow the moment to be painted within my heart.

Closest Companion

My heart aches for the pain I have caused,
you alone, friend, have given me wisdom
to bring compassion and comfort,
to show the feelings of true love.
Let me never forsake you again,
as you are my teacher and true friend.

What now is there to do,
as time falls through
and eternity approaches,
what shall my heart feel?
It has a longing to be closer,
yet the distance seems to grow
as my eyes deceive me from truth,
I must rest on knowing from you.

Psalm 2

How am I suppose to feel?
I come to rest with you but this question still remains.
Am I suppose to mourn as I see into a possible destruction?
This spirit that wanders within the house torments me,
as it consumes those I love.
When will they truly give themselves up to you?
When will they surrender their hearts to your ways?
I long to see them healed as I feel the tension and pain in their souls.
They have grown up in a pattern of slow destruction,
reaping in the lies they have sown.

Lord, come rescue our hearts!
You alone are always good and love us truly.
You are my roots and I have grown to love you,
you remain faithful and holy with justice,
I will praise you, for you are worthy of praise.
My heart will turn to joy from the manifest of your glory
and rest will find my weariness
as the promise is fulfilled.

Belashi

I see your painful heart.
You've left it pinned to the wall.
As you walk around as a hollow being,
it is there constantly as a reminder
to crush any gleams of hope for the door.
The house you've built
has become you're very own prison
as the foundation does not hold strong,
and the enemy has come to dwell,
and the life seems to be brittle with sorrow.

What shall I do for you?
My heart longs to love but it can only enter by doors,
not by climbing walls of stone.
You've been by my side my life
yet my hugs are not returned,
words of love fall short from my lips.

Pierce the heart of my Belashi,
overflow her cup with life again.

Fears and Compassion

I'm changing things up a bit. This one isn't a poem...

I was a guest speaker at my friend's newly made youth group. It consist anywhere between 0-12 high schoolers.

It was my first time speaking on a message I prepared.
It wasn't anything formal.
It's a strange thing to speak in front of people one has just met.
You have no personal background of each of them.
They are going through a critical period, a launching point, a leaping point to their next season.

I personally do not find myself a great speaker. Most of my thoughts are fantastic in my head but to communicate them to others in a comprehensible way is far from a great strength unless I have time to process.

I feel I can get my points across, but quite often I feel I may say too much and possibly offend them. But I may just be over-thinking and critical.

But these feelings do derive from fear but also of compassion. As I spoke to these young adults, I want them to fully realize His love. I want to set a firm foundation for them earlier before I even got it.

However.

I trust in Him. I planted the seed.

He is the grower.

So...good day.

Strings

Jason asked the group to express our feelings a week ago by writing or drawing...naturally, I wrote a poem.

Circumstances pressing in,
my body wonders if this is real
an illusion, a dream,
as the natural and spiritual struggle to overcome each other
and my mind, soul and heart have become the rope being pulled.
The world says to be myself,
to be happy, to be independent
but that "to be" has a string attached
as it drags the heaviness of "you are".
But you intervene,
your words of love pierce my heart,
cutting the strings holding onto me
releasing me to breathe,
no longer a controlled puppet.
So I will dance freely
as a hand does not dangle me,
but yours has set me to my feet.

Blind Emotions

Cries and utterances try to escape
this beating prison inside.
Out comes overwhelming thoughts and compulsions,
to suppress them would only lead them astray
and to gnaw away at my love and composure,
as they bash and scratch against the walls
and longingly look past the prison bars
to the lightness and pure clouds above.

Rationality stands over guard,
as he beats them within me
to stay, be quiet, stop crying,
your longings and dreams will be forgotten,
stay in line and you will live,
scream out and no one will hear,
not a second glance as they walk by.

They cannot stay still.
A gentle wind whispers to them of a coming,
a new love, a new hope, a new dream.
They are stirred,
only to cry out for mercy to the chasing winds,
asking to be shown, asking to see.
The fortress walls suddenly crash,
as the sight has an unexpected reality
and they are free to walk into a beauty.

Surrender

Unconditional surrender to the Living God is my heart's cry.
To know my Father without fear of lacking provision or protection.
I've grown in a lifestyle where luxuries are always within my grasp and a menu appears before me as I look into the kitchen fridge.
The idea of poverty seems so alien to my life experience that it almost brings pain instead of thankfulness to my heart.
Papa, I don't perform for your love, but give me more of you at any cost! Allow me to dine with your presence before the presence of our enemies constantly.
Give me a greater love for you! Help me become a greater friend!
Teach me to worship you the way it is done fully in heaven!
Replace the desires of this world with your heart and passions, Papa...
Thank you Papa for your love.
Thank you for your countenance.
Thank you Jesus for being our King.
The King of Glory.
The King above all Kings.
The King of Heaven...and of earth.
The Lover of my Soul.