The Phantom

I truly understand the extent of my love for you,
as it reflects the pain I suffer as you leave.
My plans were perfectly drawn out,
it was to end beautifully,
but one of the cast members is missing,
as she had run to the other door,
and her eyes caught mine as she made her leave.

Lights shining upon the stage
and eyes transfixed upon our every stride.
The world sits on the edge of its seat,
waiting to hear the colors of your voice
as I convinced them it is the sweetest to see,
for it was the first script we had together.

But one is not sure of what to believe,
as life is to move on but it feels to stand still.
Leave me with it,
allow the moment to be painted within my heart.

Painting from the Heart

The love from my lips,
starts to paint a picture
unknown to the world of those perceiving,
and left to those to feel the colors with their heart.
How is one to capture the thoughts,
as the heart walks blindly in emotions?
Gripped with fear of past happenings,
it can only spill and throw paint
at the mirror it stands before,
in the hopes to smear and blend colors
to disrupt the image that may shine back into its eyes.

Go ahead,
pull the shades over the windows,
block out the light that wishes to peer inside to your house.
But the longing within you,
wishes to feel the wonders of laughter,
and to see the color of love.
So do not stand long,
nor ponder on those standing still,
all around you will come and go.
Learn to stretch what is before you,
as single stroke can bring the life to the portrait.

Peace

My heart spills tears to see,
it hurts as I look forward and wonder,
what is to become of this war.
It seems so scary,
when the agenda is all about you
imagining the possibilities of living in discomfort,
the nightmares out to steal your dreams.
It seems so unreal,
when the hallway of life doesn't end,
and the fear of losing happiness
or being robbed of your innocence and safety
starts to flash brightly before your eyes.
It is so easy,
to get stuck with a small picture
to represent our world and purpose
but it all disappears instantly,
the moment you step into His presence.
As He takes your hand,
the world becomes so light,
as fear turns to peace
and your sadness into joyous streams.
His love is so great...Praise to Him.

Closest Companion

My heart aches for the pain I have caused,
you alone, friend, have given me wisdom
to bring compassion and comfort,
to show the feelings of true love.
Let me never forsake you again,
as you are my teacher and true friend.

What now is there to do,
as time falls through
and eternity approaches,
what shall my heart feel?
It has a longing to be closer,
yet the distance seems to grow
as my eyes deceive me from truth,
I must rest on knowing from you.

Psalm 2

How am I suppose to feel?
I come to rest with you but this question still remains.
Am I suppose to mourn as I see into a possible destruction?
This spirit that wanders within the house torments me,
as it consumes those I love.
When will they truly give themselves up to you?
When will they surrender their hearts to your ways?
I long to see them healed as I feel the tension and pain in their souls.
They have grown up in a pattern of slow destruction,
reaping in the lies they have sown.

Lord, come rescue our hearts!
You alone are always good and love us truly.
You are my roots and I have grown to love you,
you remain faithful and holy with justice,
I will praise you, for you are worthy of praise.
My heart will turn to joy from the manifest of your glory
and rest will find my weariness
as the promise is fulfilled.

Belashi

I see your painful heart.
You've left it pinned to the wall.
As you walk around as a hollow being,
it is there constantly as a reminder
to crush any gleams of hope for the door.
The house you've built
has become you're very own prison
as the foundation does not hold strong,
and the enemy has come to dwell,
and the life seems to be brittle with sorrow.

What shall I do for you?
My heart longs to love but it can only enter by doors,
not by climbing walls of stone.
You've been by my side my life
yet my hugs are not returned,
words of love fall short from my lips.

Pierce the heart of my Belashi,
overflow her cup with life again.

Strings

Jason asked the group to express our feelings a week ago by writing or drawing...naturally, I wrote a poem.

Circumstances pressing in,
my body wonders if this is real
an illusion, a dream,
as the natural and spiritual struggle to overcome each other
and my mind, soul and heart have become the rope being pulled.
The world says to be myself,
to be happy, to be independent
but that "to be" has a string attached
as it drags the heaviness of "you are".
But you intervene,
your words of love pierce my heart,
cutting the strings holding onto me
releasing me to breathe,
no longer a controlled puppet.
So I will dance freely
as a hand does not dangle me,
but yours has set me to my feet.

Blind Emotions

Cries and utterances try to escape
this beating prison inside.
Out comes overwhelming thoughts and compulsions,
to suppress them would only lead them astray
and to gnaw away at my love and composure,
as they bash and scratch against the walls
and longingly look past the prison bars
to the lightness and pure clouds above.

Rationality stands over guard,
as he beats them within me
to stay, be quiet, stop crying,
your longings and dreams will be forgotten,
stay in line and you will live,
scream out and no one will hear,
not a second glance as they walk by.

They cannot stay still.
A gentle wind whispers to them of a coming,
a new love, a new hope, a new dream.
They are stirred,
only to cry out for mercy to the chasing winds,
asking to be shown, asking to see.
The fortress walls suddenly crash,
as the sight has an unexpected reality
and they are free to walk into a beauty.

Seasons

The night brings a calming to my soul,
as stars chase after the dimming light,
but as my heart lies in the middle of the road,
my mind races in both directions,
there seems no clear indication of signs.
Light glistens from the damp ground,
as a leaf and its brother follow suit to my hand,
the lightness of life send off my senses,
my breath caught in a stillness of the beauty.

Where to go
as mystery hides behind the veil of darkness,
and leaves of life leave their home to join others
to leave the once beautiful tree, bare.
I will stay with you tree,
as seasons will come,
beauty will be restored
the twinkling eyes in the night sky
will be our light.

Humble Endings

These are interesting days I live.

Strings of thoughts and feelings float and pass through this busy house.

I walk down the hall and can't help the feelings of my surroundings grow taller.

I shouldn't have had that drink. I can't seem to reach the door.

Light peers through the window and temporarily warms my hope with the sight of blue and white.

But there's nothing to hold on to for myself. Not these thoughts. Not these poor feelings.

So the thoughts and feelings will keep flying past me without a second glance.

I can only wait patiently with dreams of you.

My heart. My love.

The rose turns colorless before her presence,
As it drops from the losing of your senses.
You can only stand there as pearls drape the night canvas,
As she stands there with a smile.
Your breath escapes to the night,
as time stands still with the beating of your heart.
You stand there cold,
stirring up words to describe the moment
but her touch simply floods a warmth into your life.
Only a smile is felt by you.

Tears of Heaven

She finally sparkles with his grace,
as the past and present collide in the midst of her eyes,
her heart finally opens to the beauty,
and is carried gently by a Father's love.
As tears capture the lover's dreams,
the flow of its path shows her tranquility,
and the beauty sheds her tear with hope.
The tear falls and cries out to the clouds
as the joys of heavens pour out its love,
soaking her with tears of devotion.

Past and Pending

There's a quiet voice inside everyone's heart,
often containing those wishful thoughts and regretful lies.
holding us back from the true reality of who we ought to be
or leaving us in an empty state of helplessness
similar to us trying to stop water with our bare hands.

Sometimes I can't help but listen,
as the idea of an alternate reality dances before my eyes,
the very same way red fall leaves dance with the winds.
The idea stops abruptly, quickly gasping for more life
as the last bit disappears before my heart's eyes.
As I have an everlasting flame kindling before me,
I can't help but dream of my possibilities.

Lost in Transitions

You stand there awkwardly,
no words come to mind.
You've lost your sense of reality,
claiming to be fully present with your eternal sunshine,
but I'm only seeing the empty half of you,
and longing for the fuller half of your love.

Your words lack of color,
as your inspirations are tangled in the vines of the world.
They try to suffocate your love with their violence
but your eyes sparkle in the light,
vibrant with a hidden complexity
that no one else can see,
but everyone can feel and is distraught by.

You float on with hunger,
as you are unsatisfied without change.

So you'll keep chasing after your love,

he will keep you up as a strong breeze,
so stay steady, my little kite.
Do not be afraid of tricks and risk.
He will be there to lift you up again,
if you only give him a chance,
if you will only look to him once more.

Thinking: Part 1

I've been re-evaluating my thoughts as of lately. It's a strange idea when you actually think about. And actually thinking about that idea is even stranger.

Think about it:
You think of a thought. Then you think about those thoughts and decipher why those thoughts pieced together in your mind (such as the cause or personal mental processing). Sometimes you take it a step farther (I'm pretty sure it's not further) and think of a way to make that thought into reality, or ways to dispose those thoughts or mental thinking (at least I do sometimes in a ways to improve myself).

On top of all of this thinking is actually thinking about that thinking.

I think my brain is done thinking about this thinking for now. I will continue on my next post...

Friend

It's been awhile old friend,
you still haven't changed your delicate ways.
You still have that wrinkled smirk on your face,
and no one will be granted to steal that,
not after what you have done,
not after the life you have outlived.

So go on living out the days,
there is no reason to hide.
No one can stop you now,
so let your light shine freely,
fly to your highest height,
I'll always be here for you.

No Title

I couldn't decide if I liked them joined or separated so I left them as the way I wrote it...


If you could only see my heart move,
as time passes by.
And as your hands turn and twist around my eyes,
my heart slows to the stillness of the moment.
And as light reflects the colors of meaning,
and shadows give depth for my eyes,
your world brings breath to my dreams,
your love becomes my life.

My song

This feeling, the passion inside my heart,
it glows the idea of unconditional love.
This dream of questions asked,
isn't about how your day is,
but about how amazing you are,
how God sculpted you beautifully,
how you became you.

These individualistic gifts I haven't seen,
the secrets to the unseen love in a stranger,
I seek to see all of it.
I want to put together the pieces of God's art.
This is the symphony my spirit yearns to play,
this is the song I will perfom.

I'm a romantic, I promise.

Hidden behind a veil,
this love that none have seen
can only be awakened,
can only be captured,
by the song of a beauty,
by the glance of her eyes.

These symphonies, this beating passion
bestowed upon me by a greater love.
Gently flowing, delicately blooming,
the elegance of my song
has not come to past.
The season is not here,
the time is not right.

My secret, my love
will not be aroused or woken,
until it so desires.
So my dreams will keep going,
as my heart keeps on beating.

First fall of tears...

It was a beautiful night. It really was.

A tear fell...but it wasn't salty or full of sorrow.

It was pure. It was of love. It was to bring restoration.

It was a beautiful night. It really was.

I stood there catching these tears into my hand,

As the heavens cried out and poured their love into the earth.

Life flowed in and around me...

Then it stopped.

Complete utter silence... abrupt stillness.

A peace that radiated into the night...

...as the earth was satisfied with the drink God provided.

And I stood gasping for more.


God spoke to me that night. And it was breathtaking.