Fog

This night was different from the others.
I drove alone as my headlights lit my path,
it was like a dream as the night settled in.
A strange eerie stranger crept in with the night,
covering the earth with a dense coolness,
ungraspable but floating before me.
Lights suddenly appearing ahead of me
revealing itself from behind this stranger,
as others are consumed into the darkness
to far for my eye to see.

Mindset

A part of me has died,
in my heart, in my soul,
a black veil has covered it,
it has captured my courage,
devoured it, ripped it apart
and I'm left wondering
where did she go,
where did my love go?

I will never end my journey,
my love will never cease for you.

I'm a romantic, I promise.

Hidden behind a veil,
this love that none have seen
can only be awakened,
can only be captured,
by the song of a beauty,
by the glance of her eyes.

These symphonies, this beating passion
bestowed upon me by a greater love.
Gently flowing, delicately blooming,
the elegance of my song
has not come to past.
The season is not here,
the time is not right.

My secret, my love
will not be aroused or woken,
until it so desires.
So my dreams will keep going,
as my heart keeps on beating.

First fall of tears...

It was a beautiful night. It really was.

A tear fell...but it wasn't salty or full of sorrow.

It was pure. It was of love. It was to bring restoration.

It was a beautiful night. It really was.

I stood there catching these tears into my hand,

As the heavens cried out and poured their love into the earth.

Life flowed in and around me...

Then it stopped.

Complete utter silence... abrupt stillness.

A peace that radiated into the night...

...as the earth was satisfied with the drink God provided.

And I stood gasping for more.


God spoke to me that night. And it was breathtaking.

Montage of a Sleepless night

A cold bitter night, a beautiful starry sky...God...three cool friends of mine...

And an endless road.

A constant blur of lights, dancing trees...a cd repeating itself, at my count of 4 times, before a plea for silence as the barrage of noise was blocking my array of mindless thoughts and sleepy mind.

Thoughts of God...peace...my (future) wife...my hopes and dreams...

Acceleration...losing focus, half conciousness...deceitful sleeping with a surprising awakening to those around me...

Darkness filled with motionless fireflies to high to reach...

Standing outside gazing at the beauty of God's personal roof he made for us...

Fingers getting numb...the coolness of God's breath on me...goosebumps secretly creeping up on me...as I am engulfed by God's glory

In 5 years...

It all started with an ordinary, common question I asked my friend Kendall...

"What age will I get married?"

24

Geez, can he pick a more typical answer...

In five years, I may be married. Weird. It's hard to contemplate...or even grasp the idea of actually finding and being with the girl of my life, considering how young I am, what I plan to do, and since I haven't even had a serious relationship with a girl.

But it got me thinking that only five years ago, I was a freshman in high school. Weird.

I didn't have a relationship with God and only lived in Redding for a year. Thoughts of uncertainty, girls, Orange County, popularity, and grades filled my head constantly. God was the last thing I kept in contact with.

To see and think how much I have been filled with passion and love for God...is...baffling. And I thank God everyday for the opportunities I have, including being with him...and him calling me out that day, five years ago...

My spirit's faith

God has gifted me with wisdom. I've come to terms to that.

What has taken much more time to figure out a deeper insight into the wisdom is thinking out of reality and believing in the spirituality of this world. But more over to listen to my spirit's wisdom instead of my own which my heart is slowly adapting to...

So over the past month, I've been running into a topic of different beliefs. Discernment and the supernatural. Dreams and reality. Exaggerated truths, fiction, miracles, past powers...

Power of healings, resurrections, teleporting, speech in tongues, people engulfed in the spirit, God's electricity, gold dust, flawless gems, angel feathers, walking on water...

Why is it so hard to imagine some of these or, for some of us, all of these when there is a God so big and so extraordinary that it shouldn't even be in question that if it's his will, it will be done.

I understand the view that we are human and so hey, why not belittle ourselves. After all, we shouldn't have a heavenly perspective of ourselves, that we won't be sitting on a throne next to God, that Jesus called us out as disciples because he knew we couldn't follow him or perform the same miracles, and finally, because God didn't make us in his image.

But maybe I'm wrong for having faith in some miracles. Maybe people haven't been raising others from the dead. Maybe I have a foolish, blind faith...kind of like when I first went into believing this Jesus guy...

Either way, when it comes to discerning if a story is exaggerated or if someone is actually "drunk" with the spirit, pray about it. At least the person is seeking God and so hopefully God will reveal the selfishness in the heart.

Joy in Mystery

It's been awhile, precisely one month on Friday since I jumbled a few new thoughts out of my scattered head and shared them with the probable few readers that actually take the time to read this.

But I'm ok with that. The significance of actually reading my thoughts aren't much...this is mainly used to write out any occurring thoughts that I find with any such importance to myself, or to others...or I just like to practice my typing and writing skills.

So I'll try to draw up a creative epiphany or story soon but for now all I find myself thinking of is tonight.

There was a girl caught my interest for once, and it's strange to me since I barely know her yet I felt like I found out parts of her personality. Plus I only noticed my slight interest due to myself rambling and feeling like a complete moron...

But what was compelling about this girl was her silence. She seemed conservative with her thoughts which only made me anxious to ask more about her, but I was afraid that it would draw attention to myself and my sudden interest to learn more about this girl.

Plus she was pretty...

So on a tangent, this only baffles me why I'm not so intrigued more by people that I have yet to befriend. I mean it's strange how relationships can develop. I have had friends that I hated the first time I met them, but then ironically we become really close friends.

But back to my main point, which was why aren't we more compelled to find out more about how amazing God made every single one of the unknown people. I guess it's a matter of pride, fear, and protection against our hearts or bodies...

A hidden truth

This is a poem I wrote awhile ago...I feel like I should share it now.

You tell me there's nothing wrong,
the problems arising are only another dimension,
a figment of our imagination, but I know better.
Your eyes glass a hidden truth,
a glimmer of hope, a light in the dark
an idea, a dream awoken during those restful nights.
But now your eyes are caught staring,
your dreaming stop, eyelids flutter to life.
You have finally awaken to a new reality.

I should be...

...Studying, but I not.

Or sleeping for that matter.

But God is stuck on my mind and I can't not focus.


God has been tearing at my heart, and I can't help but cry.

People that God loves are suffering

People that God loves need blessings

I can't imagine how God feels about the suffering world.

There's so much to give, so much to learn. My heart only cries out for more of God...


Acts is amazing...God is awesome...

The Enjoyment of math...

Man, that is one smart monkey...

For those that don't know, God has gifted me in the mathematics...I pick it up fairly easily. When I say fairly, I mean it probably be much easier if I didn't fall asleep in class or write blogs instead of studying...but thats just me.

Anyways, I'm taking Calculus 2...yeah crazy. But I have a test tomorrow so I'm a bit nervous although I'm figuring out everything. I've been changing my attitude about school and actually trying to pick up better studying habits...the way I try to picture it is trying to enjoy and understand the complexity the world God made...if only he made math and physics easier...

Grocery list...

I'm not really gonna get beer...although candy does sound good...

Ok I'm updating this and crossing out the ones I've done...
List of "Goals/To do's" for weekend:
1. Love people...
2. Finish C++ program..
3. Study for school
4.Talk to Reilly
5.Go Thrift Store shopping...
6. Hang out with friends...
7. Make a new friend!
8. Study Acts and spend time with my friend, God
9. Pray for people!
10. Ride my bicycle and play football!
11. See how my friend Elisa is doing
12. Ask Kendall Bachman to marry me...

Ok, last one is a joke...just to clarify since you can't really be sarcastic with text...

My Prayer...

Maybe my prayer has to do with the ending of "Face to Face" at the Stirring...maybe it has to do with seeing and feeling God's presence more and more often...maybe it's because of my constant striving for God's heart that I get so angry and anxious to share with how good God really is and just the freedom...

My prayer...that God's people would experience his love...that they would get moved by him and actually get to feel his spirit and have a relationship instead of just a simple hope or "blind faith" or no faith at all...

God...you are all I want and all I need...

District Sleeps...

...alone tonight...

Amazing day. So much accomplished...I woke up at 10:54 am...a little over 8 hours of sleep. Checked the space to the my...ate a bagel with cream cheese...was still hungry so I ate left over chinese food...

Sleep again at 12:30...didn't wake up till 3:30. I've been told I'm a pretty peaceful sleeper...except for those random times I talk in my sleep...but yeah, not even babies sleep as well as I did.

Most of the day consisted of reading and talking at Starbucks. I made another shirt, it took me about 1 and a half hours to make...I think it'll be the last one on a black shirt for awhile...at least for complicated designs...

Flying...

Pumped up by the spirit by an awesome Bethel worship service, I was feeling revived in God again. I've been feeling spiritually attacked a lot lately so this was really refreshing the past two days...although there is still something I'm hoping will happen...actually two...

First is renewal in friendships. I keep getting attacked that I'm going to lose friendships or distant off from them...there is one girl in particular i really just want to be friends with now that I'm over some lets say...'selfish' feelings?

Second...is to fly! Looking out at the city of Redding at night made me just want to soar over all the lights...man that sounds corny for some reason...

But yeah, I know God could give me the power...just didn't want to test him by jumping off the balcony two stories high...maybe I'll ask him to levitate me next time...

Tipsy...

Tired, exhausted...I needed rest, not physically, but spiritually. My heart was heavy, my mind boggled by everything around me, I needed God.

A warrior of God picked me up, brought me to a spiritual place for rest. It was....interesting to say the least.

People drunk, a girl playing on the guitar, and a man playing on bongos that gave me a strange beat in my heart. As I got memorized by deep beat, I started to feel peace.

More drunk people come to the house, and the house went up in flames. A girl constantly yelling "JESUS! HOLY!" along with some other words that I couldn't understand and was sure if it was the speaking of another language...a holy language. The girl's vocabulary literally consisted of "Heeeyyy, Jesus, Ooooooooooh, holy ghost, and woooooow"...Running through my head were thoughts along the lines of "I'm freaking out...what is going on?"....

Man...if I didn't God...how creepy and weird this would of been.

Everyone stands up and we get into a circle and every sort of praise known to man and God breaks loose...well I guess we didn't have an animal sacrificial...that would of been even more intense...

Praises, random chants and songs, people laughing and falling to the floor, craziness...it was overwhelming. Laughter burst from my lips, legs start to feel a bit rubbery...

Now I'm pretty sure I've never been drunk in the spirit...but maybe this was just a tipsy form? Very few other times I've experienced the spirit like this...so it's kinda like drinking I suppose. You don't actually know if you're drunk until you experienced the different levels...

I mean...I've never been drunk...

Anyways, I need more of this. I need to hang out with Bethel students more often...

I think I just ate my whole house...

Today seemed crazy...awesome but crazy...I started off with school in the morning, rode my bike and barely got to class on time. My classes haven't been too exciting...but I think I've been understanding most of the material. I guess I'll find out soon enough...

So I've been look for a nice road bike and kinda leaning on this guy: http://www.bikesdirect.com/products/mercier/corvus_al8.htm

But I've been getting recommendations to just look around for used ones but who knows, maybe I'll see what God has for me about bikes. Maybe I'll buy a nice used one for like $200 and then use the $600 for Kendall's school or to buy others bikes...

Note to self...pay off $110 debt from parents...and figure out what happened to my suit...

Anyways, so after school, I hung out at Yaks. I met this cool guy, Allen, we chatted and sounds like God was really moving in his life and purifying him and everything...it was just...awesome. We kept talking till I figured out what I wanted to drink...

Ok...wrapping up today, played football at Caldwell...crazy, 9 vs. 9 guys in tackle football...fun stuff, and no one got hurt...so now I'm at home and I just ate 2 burritos, a bagel, orange juice and water...and I could still eat more...

I need to go shower now...

Tired...

Today was a weird day for me. I went to school...got out of school...rode my bike home and made pizza. I make some bomb pizzas by the way...heh, "bomb" is the word over in NY, kinda like "hella" here...

Anyways, I decided to work on shirts and stencils, so I gathered my stuff and headed to my stencil work area. Starbucks. Oh Simpson Yaks is the new hang out during the week for me...

I was set. I was zoned in to just spend the day with God, as I was pretty tired mentally and physically and wanted to work on stencils, read the Bible, journal, and read Simply Christian.

Nope. A friend I haven't seen for a bit calls and wants to hang out. Awesome. I love my friend, but I'm not gonna lie, I was not up for this. Not only that, it's one of those weird relationships where I love hanging out with the person, but never had a serious conversation with and get this weird pressure that I have to go out and figure out the best way to have fun. I guess it's because I don't know his interest...

Anyways, I got coffee to help wake up and I had a great time with my bud. I got to know him a bit more and I hope I didn't scare him off but stirred him a bit when we talked about God. It sounded like he is having trouble with his faith...possibly because of the people he hangs with...

It frustrates me...I want to just proclaim how amazing God is when you give your heart to him and he provides back, but I wasn't sure how he would take it. I just hope God reaches out to him since he seemed in a state of confusion.

Anyways, there's more but I'm not sure if I want to blog about it. Ask me if you like.

Oh and I still need to figure out a road bike to get...

Revival

Something is brewing.

I felt it...it's something God put on my heart on Sunday. It's an idea my friend has been wanting and predicting this year.

It's a dream of revival...

Sunday night, I was hit by the spirit hard during the worship at the end of the service. I was almost knocked to the ground. My legs were shaking....I felt like I just did a hard sprint up a hill, with my legs weak and fragile and my breath short. I continued to worship and amazingly I was still able to sing...Strangest encounter with God I ever had...simply amazing.

Anyways...God told me simply to reach out and make disciples at Shasta College. Maybe this will blend in together with Simpson's revival...

Noises

There I was...caught completely off guard. There were very few faces I would want to accidently run into, let alone talk to, yet I continued on it. It was turning into another one of those days where my integrity was smashed and my temper was short after work. My patience was tested and out the window after getting behind a van that would brake after it accelerated to a godly speed of 10 mph, and an acura that would brake for green lights. I was ready to...relax.

I ended up walking into my well-familiar spot, and my day seemed to instantly restore itself. Thank God for the friends he's placed in my life. Nice, friendly faces belonging to my friendly friends renewed me with words of encouragement and compliments. The best part of it...I didn't even have to say anything. Not one word mentioned about disheartening state of mind I was in...

My day took off from there. It was...the outmost perfect day of all summer; a incredible sunset, perfect weather with a nice, slight breeze as I sat alone simply enjoying God's company. I was in complete harmony, can't imagine the last time I've been more relaxed.

All alone. Slowing down. Thinking. Listening. Watching. Pause. Three second delay. Silence...then piano.

Hmm..."sing me something soft, sad and delicate, loud and out of key, sing me anything..."

Ipod playing...love that song.

God revealed something new to me as I came to a stop. When I wasn't concerned about his plans for me...when I stopped thinking "What's next?"...I was able to be at peace and see the beauty in everything. The funny lady wearing a purple shirt and purple bandana sitting across from a guy with a purple shirt also. The group of friends laughing while playing Scrabble. The women discussing the craziness of their jobs and families. I understood, I didn't need to hear the world. God showed me his glory in everyone and everything.

Strange. I never imagined blocking out the overwhelming world noises by listening to my ipod. The world volume on low...everything is...peaceful. The music soothing...no more distractions, just listening to God...

Unconscious States

God moved me tonight. I'll post more on it later but it was pretty intense. Pray for me if anyone reads this and make sure I stay on track.

With your hands on my shoulder
A meaningless movement
A movie script ending
And the patrons are leaving, leaving

Passing through unconscious states
When I awoke I was on the high-way

Today of Recap

Go to bed at 4

Cat wakes me up...again

Driving to Bethel. Jesus told me to skip Bethel. Went to eat with family.

Finishing up stencil and making shirts.

Ride my bike to the Stirring

Get 'unsweaty'

Worship God and listen to Nate

Thinking...what to say to her

Show new shirts, hopefully more ideas.

Talk to her, nervous, forgot my thoughts...then freedom in my life again.

Ride over to Starbucks and hung out.

Home...time for bed yet...maybe

Tired of being exhausted...

I'm extremely, flat out drained of almost all energy. How my mind manages to compose complete sentences, I don't even know nor would I want to try...

Anyways, I went on a trip to Portland and haven't fully recovered. To make a story short, it was pretty enjoyable despite all of the driving. I went with my father and we ended up going to the waterfalls in Oregon, you've probably seen pictures of them. Including the ticket but not food, the trip probably cost me about $250-300...a chunk of change there but it's just money.

Tomorrow, possibly in the morning, I'll write a more poetic blog or my more interesting writing styles. I'm just too tired right now...

When you read this, definitely pray for me. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, and if it weren't for my faith and Jesus, I'm positive things would be worse...especially for a friend of mine

I want change

God has recently inspired my heart if you haven't heard. It happened to a common late and normal summer night, very much like any summer night you never had.

I'll cut to the chase...

I have become obsessed with graphic designs. More specifically for right now, I'm trying to create my own shirts from stencil designs. I've did screen printing and had success, but it took a lot of time so I'm switching to a much quicker method which is best known as stenciling. After all, I'm getting old so time to speed up time...?

I'll be post my shirts up eventually...

So about those curious pictures on the side...well this guy is my new hero perhaps...besides Batman.

The name: Banksy
Profile: Guerilla Graffiti Artist


This guy is awesome. His identity is unknown and his vandalistic stencil art is glorified among many. I'm pretty sure vandalistic isn't a word but whatever...He has done stencil art in London, New York, LA, and Israel, much of which portray his feelings on the values society withhold and scrutinies of the mass media. Ironically, he has been all over the news and his art has become so infamous that he has his own gallery and his art has been sold for up to half a million!
More on him here...

But man, what a stud...