Montage of a Sleepless night

A cold bitter night, a beautiful starry sky...God...three cool friends of mine...

And an endless road.

A constant blur of lights, dancing trees...a cd repeating itself, at my count of 4 times, before a plea for silence as the barrage of noise was blocking my array of mindless thoughts and sleepy mind.

Thoughts of God...peace...my (future) wife...my hopes and dreams...

Acceleration...losing focus, half conciousness...deceitful sleeping with a surprising awakening to those around me...

Darkness filled with motionless fireflies to high to reach...

Standing outside gazing at the beauty of God's personal roof he made for us...

Fingers getting numb...the coolness of God's breath on me...goosebumps secretly creeping up on me...as I am engulfed by God's glory

In 5 years...

It all started with an ordinary, common question I asked my friend Kendall...

"What age will I get married?"

24

Geez, can he pick a more typical answer...

In five years, I may be married. Weird. It's hard to contemplate...or even grasp the idea of actually finding and being with the girl of my life, considering how young I am, what I plan to do, and since I haven't even had a serious relationship with a girl.

But it got me thinking that only five years ago, I was a freshman in high school. Weird.

I didn't have a relationship with God and only lived in Redding for a year. Thoughts of uncertainty, girls, Orange County, popularity, and grades filled my head constantly. God was the last thing I kept in contact with.

To see and think how much I have been filled with passion and love for God...is...baffling. And I thank God everyday for the opportunities I have, including being with him...and him calling me out that day, five years ago...

My spirit's faith

God has gifted me with wisdom. I've come to terms to that.

What has taken much more time to figure out a deeper insight into the wisdom is thinking out of reality and believing in the spirituality of this world. But more over to listen to my spirit's wisdom instead of my own which my heart is slowly adapting to...

So over the past month, I've been running into a topic of different beliefs. Discernment and the supernatural. Dreams and reality. Exaggerated truths, fiction, miracles, past powers...

Power of healings, resurrections, teleporting, speech in tongues, people engulfed in the spirit, God's electricity, gold dust, flawless gems, angel feathers, walking on water...

Why is it so hard to imagine some of these or, for some of us, all of these when there is a God so big and so extraordinary that it shouldn't even be in question that if it's his will, it will be done.

I understand the view that we are human and so hey, why not belittle ourselves. After all, we shouldn't have a heavenly perspective of ourselves, that we won't be sitting on a throne next to God, that Jesus called us out as disciples because he knew we couldn't follow him or perform the same miracles, and finally, because God didn't make us in his image.

But maybe I'm wrong for having faith in some miracles. Maybe people haven't been raising others from the dead. Maybe I have a foolish, blind faith...kind of like when I first went into believing this Jesus guy...

Either way, when it comes to discerning if a story is exaggerated or if someone is actually "drunk" with the spirit, pray about it. At least the person is seeking God and so hopefully God will reveal the selfishness in the heart.

Joy in Mystery

It's been awhile, precisely one month on Friday since I jumbled a few new thoughts out of my scattered head and shared them with the probable few readers that actually take the time to read this.

But I'm ok with that. The significance of actually reading my thoughts aren't much...this is mainly used to write out any occurring thoughts that I find with any such importance to myself, or to others...or I just like to practice my typing and writing skills.

So I'll try to draw up a creative epiphany or story soon but for now all I find myself thinking of is tonight.

There was a girl caught my interest for once, and it's strange to me since I barely know her yet I felt like I found out parts of her personality. Plus I only noticed my slight interest due to myself rambling and feeling like a complete moron...

But what was compelling about this girl was her silence. She seemed conservative with her thoughts which only made me anxious to ask more about her, but I was afraid that it would draw attention to myself and my sudden interest to learn more about this girl.

Plus she was pretty...

So on a tangent, this only baffles me why I'm not so intrigued more by people that I have yet to befriend. I mean it's strange how relationships can develop. I have had friends that I hated the first time I met them, but then ironically we become really close friends.

But back to my main point, which was why aren't we more compelled to find out more about how amazing God made every single one of the unknown people. I guess it's a matter of pride, fear, and protection against our hearts or bodies...